I did some rereading and simple editing of Fratricide tonight, more to get back into the rhythm than to try and make forward progress. I did rewrite part of the warehouse section, so Scott’s first shooting is no longer cold-blooded…I do think the new scene fits his personality a bit better. I also read a good 40-50 pages closely, and realized I have a hell of a lot of work to do.
- The final ‘action’ sequence should be rewritten, probably from the ground up. That may be a multi-day process, not counting continuity and second pass.
- A lot of the dialogue needs attention, especially in the beginning. My brother pointed out how little character differentiation there is in the beginning, and upon reading it I saw he was so right it hurts me.
- A large chunk of scenes between the abandonment of the car and the chase scene need to be worked over to reflect at least some paranoia about being wanted by the police. It was pointed out to me there are scenes in this interval where Scott wanders around Newtown with impunity, and upon rereading it, it is also so true it hurts. This could range from minor massaging to scrapping and rewriting key scenes…I won’t know until I do more analysis.
I feel that if I get back on my schedule and actually make forward progress on this, I’ll have a third draft in October…motivation to edit seems to be harder to find than motivation to write, so I’m going to start another second in the interim. This one has more meat to it than my previous idea, which I still like, and may try to write as a short story at some point. My current second is tentatively titled Nightmare, and is a romantic mystery centering around the collapse of the US government. Yeah, you read that right. I think big, but it remains to be seen if I can get the kitchen sink BS out of this idea and make it a good story.